Don't Mourn The Longform Review

A discussion in an online readers' group over someone lamenting the death of "traditional book reviews" and the rise of bookstagramming turned the old gears once more.

Such grist for the mill seems to frequently come out of the Indian subcontinent, which boasts a long and colourful history of publishing along with robust and riveting discourse.

Some examples of bookstagramming provided include that of a graphic designer who offers minimal takes on books using emojis. At the end, the writer wonders whether Instagrammers can contend with privileged pedestals such as the New York Times bestseller list.

As expected, members of the online group commenting on the piece were put off by it. Someone pointed out the writer's choice of words, which I felt were polarising: the "new" ("short", "quick", "millennial" - ugh) versus the "old" ("stuffy", "hallowed", "needlessly long").

I also had to check the date: published 7 February 2021. Bookstagramming has been around before then. How long was this piece sitting in the writer's computer? Or has India finally woken up to the trend?

(Uh-oh. The writer majored in literature. Probably ego-searches on occasion. Better watch my step.)

Now, the piece makes some good points. For one, the ecosystem surrounding "traditional" book reviews has always been a rarefied circle jerk. Certain reviewers have a cosy relationship with the papers they write for, who in turn have connections to the big publishers and literary agents. These same people tend to end up in some book award panels too.

Even when the printing press was invented and the written word became more accessible, gatekeeping determined what gets and does not get published. Then and now, getting a byline in a paper is a big deal. While some have higher aspirations, middling critics like myself have more pragmatic goals: gaining free books, extra cash and writing cred.

But this cosy relationship narrowed the number of books that "matter", so the same authors and publishers tend to grab the headlines year after year. From their lofty lecterns under distinguished mastheads, marqueed reviewers sometimes take potshots at certain works, shielded from the anger and call-outs from readers.

Restaurant critic Pete Wells's takedown of Guy Fieri's American Kitchen and Bar in the New York Times was entertaining, but it was mean towards a guy who's a lot more than the hair, shades and loud shirts. (Okay, not a book review, but.) And what to say of Michiko Kakutani, who has been held in awe, dreaded and loathed for decades?

While the piece doesn't delve too deeply into the history of book reviewing to stick with the traditional-versus-Instagram tangent, the tone sounds off-putting. Was there a need to compare bookstagrammers with a controversial Indian author?

And if readers today are too "lazy" to even read captions on Instagram posts, perhaps it's because they feel that their limited time, squeezed out of a packed schedule weighed down by the stresses of modern life, is better spent elsewhere.

So what if "anyone" can influence what their peers read, especially with social reading platforms such as Goodreads? People in such circles tend to or would come to know one another, so they're comfortable with and confident in what they see there.

Also, people are more educated now. Technology is connecting people, granting them access to knowledge, and giving them a soapbox. Folks are finding their voices and skipping past the gates to be heard and read. Describing these newcomers in language that screams "hoi polloi" is tasteless and foolhardy; being picked apart alive by weaver ants seems more merciful.

Critics now are more exposed to the risks of being wrong or challenges posed by those who know more but aren't part of the nexus. So they better learn to tread lightly instead of longing, even briefly, for an imagined golden age when, presumably, it was fine to write with your head in the clouds - or up your ass.

But does that mean "traditionalists" and "purists" have to start bookstagramming to stay relevant? Whatever works, I guess. However, some rules - like ignore your personal feelings and biases, don't be too rough, and suchlike - can be set aside so you can get creative and interesting, but not mean and divisive.

Critics, for a start, should take to heart the monologue by Anton Ego, the food critic in the Disney production Ratatouille, which sums up the realities of criticism and is lent significant gravitas by the voice of the late Peter O'Toole.

But a larger pool of material means more to read and digest, which means gatekeepers are still relevant, perhaps more than ever. In George Orwell's "Confessions of a Book Reviewer", one line goes "Until one has some kind of professional relationship with books one does not discover how bad the majority of them are."

As someone with a professional relationship with books, I've found this to be true.

Orwell adds that a short pithy statement is the only criticism most books warrant, while a professional reviewer would only bother with a book if they were paid to review it. But:

...the public will not pay to read that kind of thing. Why should they? They want some kind of guide to the books they are asked to read, and they want some kind of evaluation. But as soon as values are mentioned, standards collapse. For if one says ... that King Lear is a good play and The Four Just Men is a good thriller, what meaning is there in the word 'good'?

So if a book isn't worth the time, maybe an emoji or a GIF meme will suffice - better than rendering superlatives hollow through overuse. Using cleavers on sparrows might grab more attention but it's wasteful and unnecessarily theatrical.

By now, I think there's enough space for criticism in many formats, of any length, and that space is still growing. A humongous marketplace of opinions should be celebrated and readers can take their pick in an environment where quality does shine.

However, as long as "traditional" book reviews are still being written, the format will never die. Longform articles will always have a key role in some situations when an emoji or a hundred-word caption won't do.

With growing scrutiny and greater access to information, perhaps they will get better and become more deserving of those hallowed pedestals than before.

When The Water's No Longer Fine

Putting pen to paper - or keying things to screen - about the ongoing pandemic and its myriad of inconveniences is hard. Who wants to relive or read about that? No different from daily news reporting for the past year, chock-full of negativity and few bright spots.

Which reminded me of two negative encounters online that I thought I had laid to rest.

One was with a notorious personage who seemed to like nothing more than to brag of their love for literary fiction and the amount of which they've read - and picked fights with others in an online community about their reading choices and apparent lack of knowledge on books.

A few years ago, Personage praised me for something I wrote (forgot which one though) but later, in a comment to my blog that I deleted, harangued me for not knowing anything about Arabic literature, then accusing me of not being literary enough to talk about books. I chalked that up to "Personage being Personage" and brushed it off.

Only when I received news about Personage's terminal illness and passing did much of their behaviour make more sense.

Whether it was their condition or something else, they perhaps found solace for it in the online community and, over time, developed an idealised view of it. When the community failed them in any way, the reality of their situation crept through the crack in the rose-tinted bubble, sparking a backlash.

The quarrels Personage stirred were either attempts to stay inside that fracturing bubble, or cries for help. The people Personage sparred with or hurt might empathise now that the former is gone, but Personage will be known more for the rows and burning bridges.

I have less time and understanding for the guy who tried to interrogate me about a phrase in my Facebook post to a readers' group. I wasn't even talking about Nazis or Hitler, but a chapter in comedian Trevor Noah's book. The bit about Nazis and that there are worse out there was a throwaway remark, but to this guy it was important.

What this dude did, which I now recognise as textbook sealioning, was probably to get me riled up about the Nazi bit because he believes that no, nobody is worse than the Nazis and that I was talking out of my ass when I said that - yet he had no guts to tell me that to my face.

Even then, however, I smelled cari gaduh all over his all-too-polite queries. If Sealion wanted to school me, he could've beat me over the head with his own research and opinions. But assuming that he was genuinely interested in knowing who I thought were worse than Nazis, I don't owe him that either.

---

People run from trouble. When they can't run any more and they're deep in a rut, they find ways to escape, whether in themselves, safe spaces, or objects. Sweet treats. VTuber clips. Online communities.

But they're not the solution. And you will eventually be disappointed or desensitised.

Personage found comfort in what they believed were like-minded people of a similar calibre, but was quick to judge and condemn when they did not live up to their expectations, seeing gaps in knowledge or understanding as flaws or signs of deception.

So I'm not well acquainted with Arabic literature. That doesn't invalidate whatever else I say about literature in general, or books, writing and editing. It just means I need to brush up on the subject.

For the likes of Personage, however, it's a deal-breaker.

If you're in pain, piling on more hurt on yourself - or lashing out at people - is counterintuitive. But I guess when you're so used to the torment you don't feel the added weight. Nor are you inclined to empathise with others or interrogate your disappointment in them when they "fail" you.

Are they not good enough for you, or have you set the bar too high?

Sometimes, people get caught up in the spirit of things, they forget that these are people too. They have other commitments, issues, and boundaries. That's why administrators of Facebook groups, for instance, lay down rules. Without limits, people will go out of line. I have stepped over boundaries on occasion and the repercussions weren't nice.

No community owes you anything for your participation. Your contributions, however stellar, do not entitle you to more than what the community is willing to offer.

When you're triggered by what someone says, instead of pouncing on a perceived slight, maybe take a step back and ask why you're bothered by it. Was it aimed at you, or a mere shot in the dark that found its mark anyway? As one saying goes, "if you didn't eat those chillies, you won't feel the burn".

Every community has its bad apples. Sussing them out is important, but not as vital as laying out what you expect when you join a community and the lines you - and others - must never cross in your interactions. And don't expect too much from people, no matter how awesome they seem to you.

Eventually, any community will change. The goals may shift, or they may stagnate or turn into cesspits. Maybe the people there have changed, or you have. Maybe the things they share don't interest you any more.

The need to belong is strong in humans. However, one should keep in mind not to sacrifice your individuality and ability to change just to fit in, no matter how much you identify with a certain group.

If you don't feel like you belong, walk away. And leave the bridges alone.

A Short Squab Story

The chronology of this story I'm about to tell has been jumbled up by the lockdown-induced brain fog. Which did I see first?

The nest behind an air conditioner compressor unit? Or that pigeon parent brooding two chicks?

However, I did belatedly realise that the compressor now sheltering a pigeon nest is one of mine. I discovered the nest last December, and recalled another nest located in the emergency stairwell that had been destroyed weeks before by who I assumed was the cleaning crew.

A nearby fire hose was used, and on the remains of the nest lay two small white eggs. That image still haunts me, and might have kept me from reporting this nest. I'm also a fan of nest cams, so having a real nest nearby to watch would be interesting.

As I followed the chicks' growth, however, my decision to spare the nest and the pigeon family was challenged by how messy and unhygienic it was growing. This was a one-clutch nest, new. But I can't call the cleaners on two defenceless chicks, nor should anyone be forced to do what the may feel is unthinakble.

However, I would need to get the compressor serviced with the air conditioning and this complicated matters. No wonder the cleaning crew resorted to the fire hose.

How long would I have to wait until the chicks fledge?


City shitbird
A little research uncovered more about pigeons than I needed to know, but that's just me being a trivia glutton.

The bird we simply call a "pigeon" - the one with reddish eyes, blue-grey feathers, dark grey tail, and a shiny green and purple neck - is officially known as a rock dove or the common pigeon. So common, it is often considered a pest wherever they are abundant.

You've probably seen flocks of them mooch spilt rice or grain from shops, roosting in trees and on power lines or ledges, "bombing" unsuspecting cars and passers-by, or hanging out in nooks and corners of condo balconies and fouling these areas with feathers and poop.

So that's why I don't have pictures of the nest. You don't want to see any. This creature is also one reason I passed on a unit at a nearby condo. And I have yet to forgive what one of them did to my car 24 hours after I had it polished.

Like dogs, cats, raccoons and the occasional polar bear, pigeons have long associated humans with free food, so I guess we brought that on ourselves.

Found this squab on the steps of my condo several days after posting.
Not sure if this is the surviving squab SQ1, but it looks about the
same age. Practically a juvenile pigeon by now.

A young pigeon is called a squab - a word I haven't seen in years. When I first read it, I think it referred to some kind of food. Searching for "squab" on Instagram yields many images of dead but well-prepared and beautifully plated birds. Shatin roast pigeon, anyone?

For the first week or so, pigeon squabs are fed an exclusive diet of what's called crop milk or pigeon milk, a nutrient-dense substance that looks like cottage cheese. Both male and female pigeons can produce it, which you'd think would help out a lot when raising young.

But I assume that the amount and quality of crop milk produced depend on how well the bird is doing, so problems crop up if the parents aren't eating enough or, somehow, they have more than two squabs to feed. Pigeoons rarely lay more than two eggs per clutch.

...Thirty days. Squabs take about 30 days to fledge after hatching, which takes 17 to 19 days, but that may depend on how well they were fed. Thought I had forgotten, didn't you?

Also, pigeons breed about once or twice a year. They can have young less than a year after hatching and typically live for a few years in the wild, and longer in captivity. The population will be fine. But be careful when walking or parking your car under trees.


Sibling squab-ble?
My pigeon tenants had two chicks but when I checked on them before last Christmas, I saw that one of the squabs was nearly twice as big as the other.

The smaller and presumably younger one, which I dubbed SQ2, looked at least a week behind its larger sibling, SQ1, in development. The latter had begun sporting juvenile wing and tail feathers while the former was still a grey puffball.

Either SQ2 had hatched late or had a defect that hampered its growth,¹ or SQ1 had a farther head start after hatching. Both squabs are aggressive, and after each feeding the parent seemed eager to escape.

Arguably, when feeding your kids involve them shoving their beaks into your throat while you puke your milk, you'd think twice about having them. But we're talking about pigeons, which only seem to exist as fodder and fouler of balconies, ledges, roofs and cars.

So for days I've been hearing the peep peep peep of two pushy squabs from my unit as they wait for Mom or Dad to come home. Then, yesterday - or was it the day before? - I looked out the window and saw SQ1 all but covered in juvenile pigeon plumage.

SQ2, however, was nowhere.


And then there was one
Upon seeing SQ1 and SQ2, I knew the latter would be in trouble. Besides possibly hatching first, SQ1 has been getting the lion's share during feedings. Unable to compete, SQ2 was losing out. Mom and Dad might also be hard-pressed to produce enough crop milk.

The only possibility I can think of is that, when the squabs were chasing Mom or Dad around, jostling for a feed, SQ2 either lost its footing and fell off the ledge, or had been accidentally pushed off by its sibling or parent.

I don't believe it was intentional. Unless they're stressed or barring certain factors,² pigeons do not turn on their young.

Regardless, I hope SQ2 had died from the fall. Because if it didn't and kept calling for its parents, one of them may kill it in a practice called scalping, in case the squab's cries attract predators.

Nor would falling near another pigeon nest help. Besides being skittish, pigeons are also territorial and will attack or kill squabs other than their own. And if the nest or squabs appear disturbed, the parents will abandon both.

These things happen. The law of the jungle stays even if the jungle itself is gone.


Leaving the nest
Things took another turn today. A hungry squab will chase its parent around until it is sated or the parent flees, but from this afternoon's feeding, the parent seems to be priming SQ1 for take-off. Sometimes I think the adults do this to get their offspring out of the nest ASAP so they can nookie and make more shitbirds.

As SQ1 had migrated from the main ledge to one of the side ledges, I tried to spot it from another window. Looking up and to the left, I was greeted by a tuft of dark grey feathers, then a head with a beak.

A quick visit on my way out to run an errand confirmed the presence of another new pigeon nest one level up, under another air-con compressor. A parent was brooding something on top of what looked like dirtied packing material.

Thus, life finds ways.

When I returned later in the evening, I peered out to the ledge. I was surprised to see SQ1 perched on another ledge two floors down.

The surviving juvenile had, technically, fledged.

Though pigeons are reputed to have good homing instincts, I don't think SQ1 will be returning to the nest, which now requires hazmat treatment. Nasty things lurk in whatever's left behind, including spores of a disease-causing fungus.

And hey, pigeons can carry bird flu viruses too, so please don't trap them for food while in lockdown. We don't want to incubate any more pandemic-grade pathogens.

Nevertheless, I'll be calling the condo management next week to see if they can do something about the empty nest. I wish them - and SQ1, wherever it may be - all the best.


¹ From a research paper (PDF file) about reasons squabs die. What atrocious writing. Wasn't this peer-reviewed for grammar?

² Never knew these cooing crap machines are this savage. These facts and more pigeon trivia can apparently be found on the main site. And with the other supplementary links I've sprinkled throughout, now you and I know more about pigeons than we probably should.

Too Precious For Its Own Good?

In a local book lovers' Facebook page, a conversation developed around an article that was critical of Rupi Kaur's poems. "I wish we had a new label to describe Kaur’s output," proclaims the writer. "Poetry is too delicate and precious a word to be besmirched by such associations."

Really? Then perhaps poetry needs to be less precious to make it more accessible. Perhaps it also needs to be less delicate to stand up to growing scrutiny.

And if poetry has become too "precious" and "delicate" due to gatekeeping by the likes of the writer, then perhaps few are better suited to batter down those gates than Rupi Kaur.

Let me own up to my gatekeeping tendencies, which until recently tended to lean towards the literati side. The yardstick these days seems to be how viral it is, which determines how well it sells.

But things can go viral for less-than-savoury reasons.

Rupi's success did not come out of nowhere. The lore states that she was discovered on Instagram and when she went to print the fanbase followed.

Nor does the vector matter in virality. Any publicity, however bad, is better than none, so in writing his piece the writer at LiveMint is spreading the fever.

---

Granted, Rupi's prose is easy to hate on. It's so ... plain, goes one complaint. Sounds like hardly any effort went into it! Just everyday sentences that are broken at random points!

And she didn't do herself a huge favour by saying: "I'm a very empathetic person to a fault, my Dad will tell you. I see somebody remotely having a bad day and suddenly I'm on the floor crying."

These days, one can produce something trite or gimmicky, seemingly without any effort, hype it up by word of mouth and it flies off the shelves. Fewer and fewer works bear the polish and perfume traditionally associated with the craft.

Seeing these people - some of whom are already celebrities - getting rich and being feted like the greats of old must chafe for some.

"Couldn't have they found someone else?" But you have to look at the audience, don't you? What is it that they found appealing about this poet or their work? Do they deserve the same smear of tar from these creators' detractors?

"If only So-and-So or This Other Person were similarly successful." Maybe they already are? And by "successful", is it by their yardsticks or yours? Perhaps the price of fame within the arena Rupi found herself in might not be worth it? Commercial success, as we know by now, may not mean quality.

And if Louise Glück received the 2020 Nobel Prize for Literature, surely someone is looking out for the likes of her, so maybe we can rest easy.

---

Publishers and retailers today, particularly the big names, relentlessly seek the next big thing. If they're no longer good at highlighting new or hidden talents, they did it to themselves by chasing the bottom line and growing too big to fail, even a little.

So potentially good stuff gets sidelined for the sake of those churned out by recognisable names: viral names or names in the news that, hopefully, mean large profit margins that'll keep them afloat for another year.

A diverse publishing ecosystem comprising multitudes of smaller players exposes people to more names, including those the LiveMint writer feels are more deserving of the attention Rupi is getting. But the mere mention of "break it up" or "go small" seems to send chills down the spines of executives.

Maybe the LiveMint writer's ire is misdirected here.

Let's not forget that some of the lionised figures in poetry, despite their failings and the brickbats of others, have gone viral in their day and age.

Then and now, notoriety is more efficient than merit in spreading the word.

---

In the article, the writer acknowledged that, despite what they feel about Rupi's works, "there's a wave of opinion that argues that writers like Kaur speak for immigrants, people of colour, and women. Her unadorned directness, glib motivational slogans, and, at times, nonsensical blandness have broken the barriers of elitism in poetry." (Okay, the last bit is a little backhanded.)

If she's writing about her own darkness, her courage to confront or relive that pain each time she pens another verse should be noted. Don't discount the possibility that many out there are finding solace and hope in her work during these difficult times.

(And it has a local book lovers' circle debating the nature or definition of poetry. Also a plus when interesting viewpoints emerge. For me, as well - viewpoints, not necessarily interesting ones - which is why I'm putting them down here instead of a Facebook reply.)

Everything has its role in an environment. All sorts of things exist, flourish, and can only grow in fertile soil, which also harbours things we don't like. We can be honest with that.

After all, literature is a messy and happening sphere that thrives on diversity. Sanitised soil seldom nurtures flower nor fruit.

So what to call Rupi's work, then? Perhaps we should stick with "poetry". The field is big enough to accomodate her and if it has any borders, it's probably the ones we draw around ourselves and what we know.

2020 Sure Sucked, Didn't It?

You can't tell me otherwise.

Walking Away From Anger

I took mindfulness lessons at a time in my life when I needed more clarity. Problem now is that I tend to notice a bit more in something than I probably should. Things such as a nod to mindfulness and Buddhism in a video game. Specfically, in Street Fighter V.

Talking about this without referencing some history about the game and its in-game lore is hard, so bear with me.

From a straightforward beat-em-up, gaming giant Capcom's Street Fighter franchise went global and is considered iconic. Through sequels, prequels, interquels and crossovers, its lore and growing roster were enriched, evolving into something akin to Marvel's Avengers film franchise. Brilliant marketing to get fans and players more invested in it.

One particular thread concerns the protagonist in all the Street Fighter games: a wandering pugilist named Ryu, a practitioner of a martial art traditionally used by assassins. One aspect of this martial art is access to the satsui no hado, the surge of killing intent. This power promises victory at the cost of one's insanity and even humanity.

After losing to a veteran fighter, young Ryu lashes out with this power, scarring his opponent. Ryu eventually embarks on a journey to hone his fighting skills and find a way to deal with his awakened killing intent before it grows strong enough to erase his humanity.

Decades after the first Street Fighter game, Ryu's struggle with the satsui no hado seems to have reached its denouement with the introduction of a character in an update to SFV: Kage, the manifestation of the dark power within him.

In Kage's mini-story mode, the shadowy being challenges Ryu, who obliges but doesn't want to defeat it. Kage wins, but doesn't understand why Ryu isn't bothered about losing. Chilling on the ground after getting beat, Ryu is all "you wanna kill me, beat me up or just hang around, be my guest."

Unable to get a rise out of his host, Kage fades away.


Anger-eating demon
To some, this might not be significant, unless they've heard of the Buddhist parable of the anger-eating demon. This creature gained power from the fury and hatred others directed at it, and one day it made itself at home in the palace of a king.

Because of the hostility of the king's men towards it, their efforts to kick the demon out failed. Then the ruler returned and killed it with kindness, starving it of its nourishment.

Kage, or the satsui no hado, is a type of anger-eating demon. Unable to interact with the outside world, it requires a sentient host to manipulate and feed on, and its urgings are seldom recognised as such, often disguised as the primal urge to destroy whoever or whatever one deems a problem.

Ryu's struggle with the satsui no hado was probably hard because his goal initially was to force the thing out of him. This took time and energy that might have left him spent and weakened, opening him up to negative thoughts that empowered the darkness.

The king in the Buddhist parable, however, acknowledged the existence of the anger-eating demon invading his palace and disarmed it by treating him like any ordinary person - a guest even - without wasting time or effort getting worked up over its presence.

This, eventually, was how Ryu dealt with Kage.


Leaving the road to ruin
In mindfulness, it is stated that our positives and negatives are part of an indivisible whole; forceful rejection of the parts of us that we don't like hurt because in doing so we damage ourselves.

Instead, we are taught to live with our demons. Mindfulness allows us to look deeper into ourselves to identify those demons, what they feed on, and the triggers that let them take control.

With this knowledge, we can rein in the dark impulses that will make us do things we may regret later, solving the problem before it manifests.

Learn what our demons are, acknowledge their presence and treat them with kindness, but never let them take the wheel. They promise shortcuts and instant gratification, but are more likely to take you on the road to ruin.

Ryu's epiphany in the story mode of SFV puts him on the path his master blazed, a departure from their school's violent past. A path where foes are overwhelmed not by destructive force but incredible compassion towards their inner demons.

A naive outlook in a cynical world, perhaps, but an approach worth pondering. Perhaps the divisions in society can only be healed once we acknowledge the humanity on the other side - and identify the demons controlling them.

The next step will probably be the hardest for many: to walk away from their anger and leave their demons be.

Sick Weekend

All I did was close my eyes and lean to one side and when I righted myself in my office chair I was struck by a wave of nausea.

I knew what I was in for. This isn't the first time. All those anxiety- and stress-fuelled late nights - some MCO-induced - have finally caught up with me.

Such episodes last quite a bit, but I had little idea how long: all the way to one of my usual clinics. Maybe I've forgotten how bad it gets.

What's more, the doctor was caught in traffic en route to his shift, so it was a long excruciating wait. The young man turned out to be nice and attentive, and he gave me two days' MC. The medicines worked wonders too.

What a nice young man, wheezed my inner ah pek.

However, I risked teetering over the edge this weekend after one or two more late nights, so I'm hurrying this up with my new full-feature keyboard - ASCII code and Word shortcut inputs, yay! - to try and get to bed before midnight.

But OMG, the VOCs emanating from it. Fresh out of the box, what did I expect? Well, I am typing faster than I was with the laptop keys. Feels more natural too.

That my first major Touch 'n Go eWallet transaction outside of toll and parking payments is for my clinic bill says a lot about my life at this point. Yet the company and creditors such as Citibank haven't caught on and sent me more promotions related to healthcare and medicine.

Instead, they feel I haven't been spending enough and nudge me towards things I'm not interested in. No, I don't visit Tealive THAT much. No, 20 per cent off spa day here is still ludicrously expensive. Thankfully, Citibank has stopped e-mailing me about Condotti luggage bags.

But more stressors keep coming. Last night I had to deal with an uninvited guest (first part of its name is synonymous with "rooster") when it was already damn late, and stress levels forced me to sleep in the living room. Might have to do that again tonight.

Now, if only all that water I chased down my supper of savoury oats with would process itself quickly and leave me alone.

Rice Rage

A while back, someone tweeted their displeasure at a video of a guy reacting to someone cooking "egg fried rice" on BBC Food, using a version of the archetypal Chinese uncle's accent reminiscent of Stephen Yan's.

They were irked at the notion of making comedy out of exaggerated accents, which they say debases people who speak that way, and panned such acts as entertainment for snobs.

Did "Uncle Roger", a.k.a. London-based Malaysian comedian Nigel Ng, assume this guise to poke fun at the stereotype? Were "snobs" supposed to laugh at him every time he went "Haiya!" or "recalled" some anecdote out of a clichéd Chinese childhood?

Probably not, but the clip Ng's persona reacted to made waves among Asian communities for how rice was cooked in it.

Too much water.

 

Probably not cooked enough.

Draining what looked like partly cooked rice in a colander and rinsing it with running cold water. 

 

Outrage coursed through the Twittersphere. Then, some pointed out that the chef in the clip was cooking rice the Persian way, leaving many of us chastened for jumping the gun.

However, days afterwards, more reactions to the BBC segment emerged on YouTube, with some replicating the recipe almost step by step. A BBC interview with Nigel and Hersha Patel, who demonstrated the recipe, also surfaced. The latter revealed that the recipe was the BBC's and she was following the station's script. 

 

Or maybe these guys were late to the party. What we can conclude from the later reactions is that you won't get "absolutely delicious" egg fried rice from that recipe; one commentator even said that the BBC dish was not "egg fried rice" but "fried rice with egg".

I'm probably not qualified to ask this but did they look at the part where the recipe says to use "150g/5½oz long grain rice or basmati rice"? What rice did they use?

Of course basmati rice would be cooked that way and of course someone from that part of the world would hanker for fried rice and should be allowed to make it how they like with what they have. Just look at how Jamie Oliver does it - do both recipes look authentic?

I've committed crimes against rice - overseasoning, too much water, etc. - when making single-portion servings of it by steaming during the first MCO, using a tip from Twitter. But I do it because it works and I get to eat every grain instead of scraping some off the bottom of the rice cooker pot.

Who'd be in the mood for egg fried rice or anything else Done Right™ when they have so much else going on?

In that light, someone mocking a foreigner doing rice different with an ah pek's accent is committing a worse crime than merely not being funny.

Many of us gleefully dunked on the clip, assuming it was one of a recent string of incidents where Westerners messed around with "our food", and got burned. A more mindful approach would have saved us the embarrassment and give us enough cred to write posts like this. 

 

With no mention of the type of rice being used and why it's cooked the way it was, the clip alone would have raised more than just eyebrows in East Asian homes.

Plus, the written instructions for the rice on the BBC website do not include the hackle-raising step of rinsing the cooked grains that's so prominent in the clip, which now seems to be location-dependent. Perhaps a response to the backlash, or confirmation that the recipe is tailored for certain audiences.

That doesn't change that fact that saying others can't enjoy making and eating certain dishes from certain cuisines because they didn't cook them right is conceited and racist.

Nest Cam Musings

Besides books, food and music, I'm also a bit of a history buff and enthusiastic about wildlife. What I haven't revealed here about that last bit here is that I've been following blogs and YouTube channels featuring nesting raptors.

Nest cams, to put it simply.

Around March until July - breeding season in parts of the U.S. - these channels usually buzz with activity, although this depends on the location and species. For eagles:

Breeding season varies by latitude. In Florida, egg laying may begin in November whereas in Alaska, egg laying typically occurs in late April through May. In Minnesota, the breeding season typically runs from late-February to early March in the southern part of the state through April into early May in the north.

Watching these birds nest and raise their young - and following the growth of their chicks - is my idea of a TV series catch-up. Few things are quite like it. Reality shows can't compare.

My introduction to this world was a camera feed of a nest of a pair of red-tailed hawks in Washington Square Park in New York.

Hawk couple Bobby and Violet became internet sensations in 2011 via The New York Times and its web cam when they built their nest outside then-NYU President John Sexton’s office on the 12th floor of the Bobst Library building overlooking the park. Violet sadly died later that year... After that, Bobby had two mates, Rosie, and then Aurora (also known as Sadie).

These cams have their fans and the drama on these nests can be quite gripping. However, the Washington Square Park cam is no more, as is the male hawk Bobby. But New York has other red-tailed hawk nests and birders keep an eye on these sites around breeding season.

As in many closely followed drama series, the death of a character is keenly felt. Red-tailed hawks do feed on rodents, and death by rodenticide is common. Bobby may have met the same fate, although a city has many other hazards.

From egg to grave, a raptor's life in the wild is tough. Baby peregrine falcons have died from complications brought on by swarms of black flies, or preyed upon by other raptors such as great horned owls. Birds such as ravens steal unhatched eggs, at times breaking them in the nest itself.

Early this year, a bald eagle chick from a nest in southwestern Florida apparently succumbed to rodenticide after it bled profusely from a broken pin feather, another potentially fatal condition. (Weeks later, this nest saw the birth of two more chicks that fledged successfully.) Pesticides and other forms of pollution affect adults, resulting in fragile eggs that break after being laid or non-viable eggs that don't hatch.

As in drama series, some viewers become too invested in the lives of these raptors. Following the death of a golden eagle chick by starvation on a nest in Latvia, angry comments flooded the chat window of the live YouTube feed.

"If they can instal a camera there, why can't they rescue the chick?"

"What's the point of the camera if it won't help save these birds?"

Anger born of grief, dismay and, perhaps, ignorance.

As environmental scientist Carie Battistone told TV station KCET, "We often do not intervene when bad things happen. In most cases, we choose to let nature take its course, even if it is difficult to see. This is a hard concept to grasp for people watching live video feed as it is normal for humans to be disturbed and emotional about what they see."

The point of the cameras is to show people how these birds nest and raise young. The antics of the chicks (baby hawks = eyasses, baby eagles = eaglets) are fun to watch, especially when they're in their fluffball stage. You can't imagine these chirping puffs of down growing up to become killers. But they have to, so that they can play their role in their ecosystem. They can only do that when they're raised by their parents.

Some behaviours are hardwired, but others are learnt by watching, like what to eat and how to pin down avian prey and pulling the feathers out before self-feeding. And, possibly, the realisation that they can fly.

When a chick hatches, it imprints itself on the first creature it sees. And if it is cared for, it will learn to trust its caregiver, whatever the latter may be. Human helpers can feed a chick and keep it alive until adulthood but they can't teach it everything it needs to survive as an adult.

And because of imprinting, wildlife raised by people from infancy will have a hard time in the wild. It can't function as it should in its own habitat. What if it becomes dependent on humans and actively seeks them out, risking death by trusting the wrong humans?

It's not just people. An odd case of a baby red-tailed hawk that was adopted by a family of bald eagles briefly became a sensation. Both species are rivals in the wild. The chick might have been intended as food but the eagle parents ended up raising it instead. Observers expressed worry that this fledgling hawk's familiarity with eagles might get it killed by one.

Life in the wild is harsh for raptors but members of their own species won't give them as much trouble as humans. They must learn to navigate their habitats to survive and thrive. Despite our good intentions, we can only do so much. Without a thorough understanding of how an ecosystem works, human meddling will only worsen things.

Watching a chick die can be traumatic and we do feel for the parents. However, be aware not to anthropomorphise these unwitting reality stars. They are wild animals and they get over such losses quickly.

Those yelling at "inhumane" or "uncaring" human cam installers probably won't be ready for the spectacle of a parent killing and eating its chicks, or older eaglets bullying their younger siblings to death when competing for food, sometimes killing them outright.

C'est la vie, man.

Unless their objective is research and tracking, many of those who put these cams are careful to minimise contact with these birds to allow them to live as naturally as possible. Their aim is more to educate than entertain.

If we are concerned about the welfare of these magnificent raptors who start out fluffy and cute, why not start with things we can control? For one, don't litter, and cut those damn plastic rings.

Limit or eliminate the use of pesticides. Keep their habitat pristine so that they and their prey can flourish. Don't chop down the trees where they might nest and certainly don't freaking steal their eggs or chicks.

And if you can't do any or all of these, petition those who can. Considering what we've done to the planet, it's the least we can do.

Whipping Up A Storm

Like some under this partial lockdown, I've taken to whisking up the viral Italian-sounding dalgona coffee popularised by Korean actor Jung Il-woo, who tried it in a coffee shop in Macau and talked about it on TV back home.

The name comes from Jung's opinion that the beverage reminded him of dalgona, a type of Korean honeycomb toffee. But this Internet sensation isn't Korean or from Macau. Probably not even Italian. And to my ears it's not dal-go-na but more like TAE-go-na.

A little dive into the dalgona rabbit hole reveals clues that the possible origins of this frothy beverage might be in Europe (the Greek-style frappé) or the Indian subcontinent, where this beaten coffee is known as phenti hui or phitti hui. As soon as the dalgona craze broke, some observers from the latter eye-rolled the same way we Southeast Asians do at some Food Insider videos.

I won't regurgitate all the fruits of my research here, but had things been different, we might also be calling this beverage "Chow Yun-fat coffee" or 發哥咖啡.

The guy who runs the coffee shop in Macau and makes this frothy coffee briefly became famous after making a cup for the veteran Hong Kong actor, who was said to like it. The proprietor of Hon Kee, Leong Kam Hon, learnt how to make this beverage from a foreign couple whose nationality he's unsure of. Presumably, this is the same coffee shop Jung Il-woo stopped by. What's remarkable is that Leong uses a spoon.

But I'm here to talk about my dalgona experience.

What's nuts about this recipe is not that only three ingredients are involved but the sheer amount of them, specifically the coffee and sugar. If I took a glass of dalgona coffee on Saturday morning my weekend won't end until Monday night. It's THAT potent.

My first attempt with an electronic mixer failed because I only used about a teaspoon (and maybe a teaspoon and a half at most) of coffee and sugar - I quit my regular coffee habit due to my gastric and, recently, my anxiety. I had better results with elbow grease, i.e., a small whisk and my decades-old mug or, once, a ceramic rice bowl.

Tipping the bowl at an angle made the small amount of coffee "deeper" than it is, making it easier to whip. The foam was so stiff I could invert the mug or bowl over my head and the coffee would stay there.

The texture presented a challenge when drinking with the layer intact. It would float above the milk like a raft while the milk flowed into your mouth from underneath. The foam is supposed to be mixed with the milk a little, so you get something fluffier than your average latte.

When using less coffee and sugar than prescribed, a small whisk and a small vessel make more sense. I watched, amused, while someone from Buzzfeed's Tasty spent about 17 minutes, off and on, whipping up a sweat with a sceptre-sized whisk and a helmet-sized bowl. All I needed was about six to eight minutes, but perhaps it was the difference in portions.

The amount of water seemed to be key as well. Too much and it'll take longer to come together, or not at all. Too little and you get a viscous but sort of aerated toffee, though not something you'd invert over your head for a few seconds.

This is not a beverage to wind down with after a long day. All that caffeine and sugar make it strictly a morning pick-me-up for people with time to kill. And after all that exercise and coffee you're likely to get wound up for the rest of the day.

I guess I understand why it's so popular. Like a magic trick, it's something anyone can learn and do, and the results are brag-worthy on social media. When one is stuck at home with little to do and feeling unproductive, a successful dalgona coffee gives one a sense of accomplishment.

But given the return on investment ... I wouldn't make this a regular thing, even with power tools. And even though I use less than a tablespoon of coffee, it's still a lot of caffeine at one go for me. Minutes after my last mug I was sweating a little, which never happened before.


22/06/2020  Two months sure fly by in a blank or two of an eye, don't they?

Against my better judgement, I've been whipping up a dalgona more often than I should. Once I figured out that the foam forms faster and better when using less water or following the recipe to the letter.

When the whisk starts "pulling" the mixture when stirring or whisking, it's halfway there. Whisk or stir a bit more vigorously to achieve your preferred consistency.

Sometimes I stop when the dalgona looks like dripping toffee because I'd stir or fold some of it into the milk anyway, like how some might do phenti hui. But often, I go on for two more minutes on high speed. I whip it inside a mug and push down any splashed coffee on the sides with a small silicone spatula.

No point whisking further because by then you won't feel your arm any more and you might need it afterwards. So when the foam is stiff enough to form peaks, you can stop whisking because you've reached peak dalgona.

...If you know me and if you're reading this in KL you should have seen that coming from Sekinchan. Pay. Attention.

I also add salt, along with cinnamon and nutmeg or vanilla extract for something different. Salt in coffee isn't new. It cuts down the bitter tang, though it forms a saline layer on top, probably if not mixed well.

Despite the strength of the coffee, the cinnamon and vanilla come through. The nutmeg, not so much. Attempts with pandan leaf powder failed but I wonder if I should resort to artificial essences.

Some make the dalgona foam and keep it refrigerated for future use, but I wouldn't bother. I bottled some but the coffee would meld into each other, leaving a fragile tuft of foam on top. Isn't "drink it fresh" part of the novelty?

Using warm or hot milk is also fine. I heat mine with a water bath inside an open stainless steel shaker. The heat releases more of the spices' aroma, and each day starts better with a warm drink.

Strange to get so used to whipping instant coffee after doing it almost daily.

Notes From Confinement

The highway below is quiet - well, as quiet as highways can be. When I first moved in, the highway my apartment overlooks is constantly awake. It hums, roars, groans, buzzes and snarls around the clock. Not one waking hour goes by without some bellyaching from the miles-long, unsleeping tar-clad serpent below.

So it's a little strange to hear it so calm, especially at night. It's almost like it's taking a nap - or lying at home sick, like many parts of the world right now.

Almost two weeks have passed since the Malaysian government passed a movement control order (MCO), one of many steps to stem the spread of COVID-19, a new and potentially lethal illness currently zipping across the globe. People are encouraged to stay indoors except when buying daily essentials and seeking medical aid, and those found flouting the order would be detained and perhaps fined.

Those who came in close contact with the several contagious clusters or known COVID-positive individuals or suspect they might be infected are advised to get themselves checked at the hospital. Fines and possible jail time await those who aren't forthcoming with their health and travel status.

When the MCO was announced various arms of the company discussed how to work from home and what jobs to schedule. I think some of us expected the partial lockdown to go beyond two weeks.

Working from home is no dream to have when you're getting by, plus a mortgage. Without the convenience of restaurant kitchens, you have to carve out time for laundry, housecleaning, grocery shopping, remote bill paying (or ATM visits) and other errands while editing, fact-checking, and deciding whether something needs to be capitalised or italicised.

And not forgetting, making your own meals. Even taking a break from work to make and eat your Indomie can throw off your momentum. Once your stomach is full you don't feel going back to the laptop. Especially when it's a little underpowered for Microsoft Word 2016, when the file takes a minute and a half to save, and Word crashes - when it doesn't make the screen temporarily go black - while repaginating the document or saving the AutoRecovery file.

And if I didn't tell you I took two 15-minute breaks from writing this you wouldn't know. Home has too many distractions for those not inclined to WFH or freelance.

So, no, I'm not coping too well with this working from home thing, even though it's proceeding okay so far. I'm doing even worse with restrictions on movements and the lack of open restaurants and food stalls.

However, my shiny ceramic cooktop has seen more work in these two weeks than it has in a month, boiling milk for masala chai or turmeric milk, and boiling drinking water, and keeping it shiny and clean is tough. I've knocked out several meals in lieu of instant noodles. Still, it's distracting - and discouraging - when the smells of the neighbours' cooking drift through the kitchen window.

Even the old rice pot has been brought out and I'm finally dipping into the tiny bag of rice that laid idle in the fridge since I moved in. I'd only used a little to "sweep away" bad vibes from the empty apartment on moving day, nine months later. A seemingly bonkers tip from Twitter about how to cook single portions of rice with a bain-marie (hot water bath) method actually worked.

But breakfast these days is a smoothie of oats and nuts, with either cocoa powder or chopped carrot. Munchie attacks are soothed by plain oats, cookies or Gardenia cream-filled bread rolls. I only got fruit - apples and oranges - from the market last week. Only a few stalls were open and security guards stood ready with with laser thermometers and hand sanitiser.

I miss eating out. I miss going to a supermarket on a whim and browsing aisles upon aisles of produce for stuff that might be a purple carrot soup, a not-very-good butter chicken, a basil pesto pasta, or a tray of shortbread.

I also miss the convenience of going to the pharmacy for my meds. Folks at home are concerned about my well-being; I have asthma and allergic rhinitis, so catching this bug is a huge no-no. Eating regularly has also been a challenge and my bad gut isn't helping. The latest gastric attack was horrendous.

We take too many things and too many people for granted. Cleaners, cooks, security guards, healthcare professionals, law enforcement, teachers, hired help, public transport, deliverymen, welfare workers ... I think it's starting to sink in just how crucial these functions are, and how tightly knit all of them are in a city environment. When several of these were disrupted, city life began to unravel.

When this is all over, hopefully these overlooked sectors and its workers will get the recognition and their dues. They are Malaysia and they're holding this country together and keeping it running. If we can't get them a raise and a better safety net, let's at least be kinder to them.

---

But not to politicians. I won't miss many of them, no matter how many bags of rice they send out with their faces on them.

In the days before and during this partial lockdown I bet we've begun to notice the difference between those who "serve" and those who "rule". Not me, that's the language being used by certain quarters. "Thank goodness they are back in power." "Thank goodness they no longer rule over us."

Speaks so much about how some of us (are conditioned to) perceive our MPs and ministers.

"Rule"? Since when do elected representatives "rule" over us? And why do we let them? And why do some people think of "ruling" like how some people think of freelancing or working from home?

Over these several weeks I've seen two groups of people: one bunch coasts by with doing just the bare minimum, leveraging on issues to make themselves more well known; while another works their butts off, putting the issues and those affected in the limelight instead.

Who'd you think I'd choose to have my back during a global pandemic, a global recession, or a zombie apocalypse?

Well, we might not survive the latter, but when it's go-time, I'll be glad that my elected rep will shoot the zombies rather than negotiate with them - or convince them to switch sides.

Another Kind Of China Syndrome

I'm not sure where and when concerns over COVID-19 were first raised but if it was in China, the authorities there screwed up imperial. The Middle Kingdom has always been preoccupied with its image in the eyes of the world, often to OCD levels. Remember the 2008 Olympics? The Belt and Road thingy? The Uighur "re-education" camps?

What I've read says news about the disease first surfaced last December, but now it seems that it might have emerged as early as last November. One should note that the first sightings of COVID-19 in China can mean that doctors in China spotted it first, not that this illness came from China.

But when doctors in China first raised alarms about it, Chinese authorities blocked the news from leaking out and silenced, vilified and even disappeared whistleblowers. Because every time a China-related crisis comes up, the first thing its officials seem to think about is "How do we make it look like it's not our fault?"

This might have been what Beijing spent precious weeks on, instead of warning the public and the world at large. And China being China, it's leery of sharing information with other nations, even if it does help. "Suppose they find something they can use against us in the data?"

For me, it's too late for China to rewrite the narrative. No matter how many remedial measures it takes now - which it should've taken much earlier, like, way before Chinese New Year - its role in the virus's spread and its handling of the pandemic locally must not be overlooked. Locking down the flow of information and repeating conspiracy theories don't make it look any better.

Had it acted like conscientious global citizen in the face of a growing (now full-blown) pandemic, China might have looked like the model country it sees itself as.

Some Novel Titles

At a café, I spied a row of novels. Some of these titles sound ... interesting.

吃定總經理 / Eyeing the General Manager / GM Sasaranku
總裁賴定你 / The CEO Relies on You / CEO Bergantung Padamu
惡魔大總裁 / The Devilish CEO / CEO Ku Setan
邪王的嬌妻 / The Evil King's Lovely Wife / Bini Molek Raja Durjana
壞總裁的剋星 / The Wicked CEO's Bane / Duri Dalam Daging CEO
替身格格 / Stand-in Princess / Puteri Gantian
惡魔的求婚 / The Devil's Marriage Proposal / Setan Datang Meminang
丫鬟不願嫁 / Maid Don't Wanna Marry / Dayang Tak Nak Nikah
絕情貝勒 / Heartless Lord / Kejamnya Tuan
公爵的豔遇 / The Duke's Encounter / Pertembungan Dengan Kerabat

I translated parts of the text with Google Translate, which deciphered zongcai (總裁) as "chairman" one day and "CEO" days later. Beile (貝勒) is a title for a Manchurian noble, and Tishen Gege (替身格格) sounds a lot like the premise of a popular Chinese drama series.

A small sample, but one can see a pattern and infer which eras the stories take place, from medieval era and Qing Dynasty to modern times.

Why a market for this is huge – and why such novels get written – is obvious. Not every book has to enlighten or educate. Books are also a form of entertainment, and not everybody wants to walk in familiar shoes on familiar streets. The boots of a mage or the greaves of a knight in a faraway or fantasy setting would be more tempting than the flip-flops of a weary executive seeking to "eat, pray, love".

Am I going anywhere with this? Not really. Curious about the titles, I tried typing them out and translated them later. I didn't want all that work to be wasted and it's nice to see something familiar in other languages.

Much Ado Over Masala Chai

When I think of tea, specifically the chai kind of tea, I'm reminded of the opening scene in Hindi film Dil Se, and vice versa.

In it, Shah Rukh Khan plays a journalist who ends up at at train station as a storm whips up. The wind tears away the shawl of another waiting passenger sleeping on a bench, who turns out to be Manisha Koirala.

Enraptured, Khan's character tries to flirt with her. When she asks for a cup of tea, he runs off and wakes up a sleeping chaiwalla nearby, entreating him to make two cups of the best, sweetest tea he can muster because "my future depends on it."

...Have your eyes stopped rolling? Good.

Of course, the train pulls away with Manisha inside while Khan stands in the rain like an idiot as fat drops of roof dribble splash into the cups of tea he's holding and as he stares wistfully at the long-gone train, he drinks one of them. Cue the first song, Chaiyya Chaiyya - which I'm not making puns on.

That scene stayed with me like a persistent suitor in a Bollywood film. Can you think of a better advertisement for whatever tea he was drinking? I believe the brand wasn't shown. Major missed opportunity.

One day, someone on Twitter made this claim: "...every 'chai blend' in American supermarkets is inferior to Wagh Bakri tea + milk + anything you have on your spice rack". Those who know this person would know she would know.

I've seen some of these Western-manufactured chai blends. Mine might be similarly outrageous.

A cursory search online revealed that this brand has some history, a part of which veers towards myth. The founder, Narandas Desai, started a tea estate in South Africa but then:

...racial discrimination forced him to return to India with nothing but a few valuables and a certificate from Mahatma Gandhi for being the most honest and experienced tea estate owner in South Africa.

Back in India, Desai established the Gujarat Tea Depot Company in 1919, and in 1925 he launched the Wagh Bakri brand, whose logo has a tiger and a goat flanking a cup of tea. Incidentally, wagh and bakri is Gujarati for "tiger" and "goat" respectively. Tea so good even mortal foes would set aside their differences over it, in line with the founder's aim to foster harmony, like Gandhi would.

And just how huge is Wagh Bakri in India? This huge:

No one can touch it in Gujarat, where over 50 per cent of the tea consumed is Wagh Bakri. And it sells enough in Rajasthan, Madhya Pradesh, Andhra Pradesh, Mahrashtra, Goa, Delhi, Hyderabad, Chhattisgarh and Karnataka to be the largest brand in the country outside of the HUL and Tata fold.

To reiterate, the biggest tea brand in India is literally called Tiger/Goat and its ethos is apparently Gandhi-inspired. Of such stuff are legends made.

As luck would have it, a mini mart nearby is a one-stop shop for many things from the Indian subcontinent such as Bru Coffee, dried round chillies, and even asafoetida. But the only tea leaves from that brand were in teabags, so I settled for a box of tea dust. As it's imported, it seems expensive compared to local brands of the same weight.

I was warned that Wagh Bakri tea was strong and hoo boy, the aroma that boiled out when I opened the foil package. Just the kind of product that's said to be tailored to "blend with the milk's richness and make its presence, and flavour, felt." I might need to store it in a proper airtight container soon or risk losing the oomph.

I only used one teaspoon of tea dust for the masala chai I made one evening. I roasted and coarsely ground some whole spices: black peppercorns, several "petals" of star anise, two cloves, one cardamom pod, and a pinch of fennel seeds. All these went in before the tea, followed by a pinch of Ceylon cinnamon and about a quarter teaspoon of ginger powder.

If you're grinding the whole spices down to a powder, you won't need much. An acquaintance now residing in India says this is excessive for masala chai and I didn't even throw in a pinch of nutmeg. One of these days, perhaps.

One sip, then two, and I swear, from far away, a familiar voice crooned:

♪ Jinke sar ho~ ishq ki chaa~on
Paa~on ke neeche~ jaanat ho~gi
Jinke sar ho~ ishq ki chaa~on ♫

Oh my.

The box is expensive, about RM11, but it'll last me awhile. And as my sieve couldn't catch the finest bits of dust, there was no bottoms up for me. But I managed to find a little-used coffee sock for the next cup.

Pity the packets of local tea in the cabinet, which I'm now using in experiments with cold-brewed teh-C kosong. Steeping it in milk makes for a bodier brew, but I'd have to use more tea than usual, which I'm reluctant to do with the costlier Indian import. Though the colour is lighter than hot-brewed chai but requires less sweetening, I still find cold-brewing tea with milk wasteful, even with cheaper stuff.

But on some days, getting heat involved is tedious, not to mention having to roast, pound and grind the spices, wait for the beverage to cool down, and properly dispose of the strained-out bits instead of flushing them all down the sink.

I suppose if you need to enjoy a cup of spicy, warming and soothingly Zen-inducing masala chai, the brewing process should be meditative rather than a chore.

Hence, you need chill to chai.

Though I'd broken a half-year coffee fast, I've stopped my regular coffee intake, limiting it to the odd cup or two a week with only one shot of espresso, and switched to chocolate, tea, and the occasional haldi ka doodh (turmeric milk) to cope with life.

I wouldn't mind another six months without coffee if I had tea like this.

Over the years I must have chugged down litres of good and bad coffee under stress, which I guess borked my body clock and forced me to give up on caffeinated beverages - proof that you can't take things for granted, like your health and tolerance for certain foods.

Speaking of which, I might need to find another supplier of Wagh Bakri tea, just in case.

Traffic Laws Are For Everybody

Lax enforcement and perceived vulnerability have allowed motorcyclists to run red lights and ride between lanes, etc., with impunity sebab miskin, kasi chan-lah, and so on. But when they screw up they affect more than themselves.

Arguably, many motorcyclists are B40 or thereabouts. So in a city ruled by cars (read: rich people), riding a bike through red lights, traffic jams and road dividers is a way to beat the system.

So it's no surprise some of them are upset when people suggest they obey traffic laws to the letter.

While the risk of being a motorcyclist on Malaysian roads is much higher, assuming that all motorists deliberately make life hell for bikers is almost as gross as the liberties bikers take because of protections afforded to them.

When their asshole behaviours - like kicking cars that don't give way to them - are called out, they challenge you to throw down at the nearest police station, or make it about race or class. How is this anything but ketuanan rempit?

Traffic laws tend to side with motorcyclists because chances of them dying or being disabled are high. And so many riders rack up so, so many citations on the road, they're likely to be let off - not worth the paperwork, perhaps?

But such laissez-faire enforcement and an environment where motorists end up paying for the mistakes of a gung-ho rider would seed a sense of entitlement and untouchability, which there is already too much of elsewhere.

No doubt Malaysians are awful road users. While I've seen some good sorts who give way to other motorists and allow bikes, ambulances and police cars a wide berth, it still fells like they're the exception, not the rule.

Not all car drivers are rich. Nor can they deal with the distress caused by a reckless biker. Scratched or dented side doors? "Kasi chan-lah!" Or "Mai settle kat balai!" Hit a bike that ran a red light? Dead or alive, your fault. That's fair?

Who has time for an earful about road safety and etiquette, the good fortune of the haves and the struggles of the have-nots, and the dangers of the ego from a motorcyclist who ran a red light and nearly collided into your car?

Traffic laws are for everybody. You can't pick and choose which to obey or break at your convenience, especially in situations where lives are at risk. You might be inconvenienced on occasion for toeing the line, but you'll live.

I'm still a fan of equal penalties for everybody, which I think is an effective short-term solution while we get our act together. Malaysians, among many other things, become more careful when money's involved.

True,the roads here are dangerous for motorcyclists. But motorcyclists can be awful too. However, we can all agree that nobody wants accidents. So can drivers and riders meet halfway on this to make our roads safer?

Bane Of The Broken Ballot

Parts of Twitterjaya erupted when the nascent #UndiRosak movement emerged to crow about the failures of the new government, calling it a vindication of their stand that neither BN nor PH can form a viable government and when forced to choose between two evils, pick neither.

They also seem to be anticipating a surge in spoilt votes now that the voting age has been lowered to 18, perhaps to allow more angry youths to partake in this sort of thing.

But how many voters take this crew seriously? And if this movement gains momentum, can we expect at least half the votes in the next general election to be spoilt? What if all the votes are?

For much of modern Malaysia's history, it's been ruled by one party for so long the rot has seeped in, in the form of corruption, lack of transparency in key decisions and spending, and flagrant abuse of power.

An election has become a game of numbers. Any political party, however altruistic, has to contest in this field according to the rules. Those who don't, lose out. And when an increasingly corrupt, paranoid and power-hungry incumbent is willing to use state machinery to hold on to power, what chance does an opposition have to change things?

A six-decade incumbency also means you have groups that have been disenfranchised from their country's development. Some are kept there with occasional crumbs or populist propaganda about how this is all they have and if they vote for anyone else "others" will take even that away. Others are told to "know your place" and "don't ask too much", or "go back to where you came from".

Bent and broken, these groups keep returning the same people to power, convinced that this will be their lot forever, and that any change will only be for the worse. And it'll be business as usual for the long-ruling incumbents.

Such is the democratic arena in Malaysia, where parties play for points and the downtrodden resignedly sigh "Change is for the rich" when told they can change their lives for the better through the ballot.

This is what #UndiRosak ends up perpetuating while waiting for the arrival of the right party to throw their weight behind, in the hope of changing the country for the better. Their idea of "better", that is.

Many have called them dangerously naive, not without reason. They seem to behave as if all Malaysian politicians care about their constituents and that spoilt votes will terrify them into contrition and make them do better. And if nothing changes, perhaps Malaysia should weather a few more election cycles with the old guard until "better" comes along.

Ha ha ha, nope. And nope.

Do they not sound like someone who will only wait for the right gym and right personal trainer to come along before starting a fitness regime?

Like a long-time couch potato, this country isn't as nimble or hale and hearty enough to adapt to global changes. We've left much of the heavy lifting to the elites, who by now is clear that they don't necessarily have its interests at heart.

A rotting structure is already weak and will degenerate faster, despite being under the same degree of stress. And when there are two evils, not voting for the lesser one will hasten the inevitable.

Fixing such a structure is taxing. Some things will have to be replaced. The transition will be long and painful. Yet we have quitters whining about how terrible the new government is and pledging to switch sides on the next general elections.

You mean, putting the old guard back in, warts and all? When they have demonstrated little to no worth as an opposition and are willing to stoop even lower to regain power, stifle dissent and cover up their tracks? You can hear their desperation screaming from recent headlines, like a banshee's portent of doom.

This country cannot afford to wait for "better". Undoing nearly six decades of damage might take twice as long. Many of my generation will probably be dead before the shift engendered on May 9 starts bearing fruit, but this country will still be around to reap the consequences of our choices now.

#UndiRosak ultimately encourages disillusionment and despair, especially among the "change is for the rich" crowd. People are trying to get them to make themselves heard in a meaningful way, so telling them to spoil their votes is like telling them to scream "We're not voting for anybody because they all suck!" into the void.

It accomplishes nothing, and their grievances are neither conveyed nor addressed. Contesting parties in general elections don't care because their die-hard supporters will vote regardless. In that sense, even voters with a destructive ethnoreligious bent understand the significance of their ballots and respect the election process.

If #UndiRosak wants to damage something, they could start - if they haven't already - by campaigning for local elections. Pockets of the disenfranchised throughout the country can be an intimidating force when empowered and gathered, which is probably why some people want them kept apart and under heel. People, to whom these groups are nothing but vote banks.

If they're sincere about fighting tyranny, they should begin by helping these groups gain some degree of autonomy. As long as they're dependent on federal or state authorities for essentials, these minorities will have no choice but to pick the side that lets them live.

What it would be like if the tables are turned isn't hard to imagine. Seeing the decisions made by some politicians of late, it doesn't look like they're in charge. The right thing is easy to do, so why isn't it being done in many cases?

Because much of the power is still in the wrong hands, and efforts to return that power to the right people will be resisted by those #UndiRosak might relish tripping up.

We've only begun to awaken to the potential of change and some have started grumbling about "the good old days". If the undecided and those who still hope to vote for change are persuaded to spoil their votes for the next elections, I can see only one outcome, and that scares all of those who rejoiced at the results of GE14.

Drug Abuse: Time For Another Approach

Critics are railing against the government's plan to decriminalise drug use. Predictably, the loudest and staunchest critics of the move are the more conservative ones. Of course they would. What else to expect from those who want to amputate the limbs of petty thieves as a deterrent?

"You're not punishing drug users any more? Drug use will explode!"

"Now everybody can shoot up!"

"The drug lords will be happy!"

Decriminalising drug use is not a free pass to use drugs. It must come with measures to deter relapses to be effective. If you're a user, the money they'd spend to try you in court and jail you will be used instead to detox your ass and send you back out to society. If you repeat the offence, well, good luck.

People who resort to drugs to cope with crap in their lives need help. Considering the state of local jails, locking them up will either break them or mould them into criminals of a worse stripe. Then there's the stigma of being an ex-convict, and as Malaysian society in general doesn't believe in mercy or second chances, they're going back to their old habits again.

Drugs will f— you up, but people who see them as a better alternative won't know that until it's too late. Penalties for users are almost as harsh as those for traffickers, which means they are reluctant to seek help - or snitch on their pushers.

Users, mules and peddlers are the most visible parts of the drug trade, so they're easier to catch and report on. Rarely do we see kingpins, manufacturers and their enforcers punished. More must be done to move against the latter bunch. They peddle misery and ultimately death. Among the worst are those who pretend to be friends with people and get them hooked on drugs to line their pockets.

Some will ask, "But wouldn't pushers pass themselves off as users when caught and get off the hook?" While some pushers are users, I doubt many are. People deal drugs to get rich quick and being your own best customer is a no-no. I doubt cola manufacturers would allow their kids near a bottle.

And who funds our prisons? Rather than jailing users, why not clean them up and return them to employment? Most, I feel, won't turn to drugs again after a stint at rehab. Every user jailed is out of the workforce and not contributing to society or tax coffers, and money is wasted on unnecessary prosecution and incarceration.

People who want the retention of heavy penalties only want to sleep better at night. I don't think they've ever been involved with or witnessed the effects of the drug trade. Because they don't see it, and with reports of the arrests, trials and executions of traffickers and mules, they think the laws and penalties are working.

"Only fools - and bad people - would get involved with drugs."

"Drug users and traffickers are bad for society. Hang them all."

"Problems? Be positive! Pray! Spend time with family! Why turn to drugs?"

People who bark this sort of thing tend to be unaware - or wilfully oblivious - that they're doing so from a position of privilege. Two major factors driving the drug trade are extreme poverty and crippling psychological problems - which they probably have never faced in their lives, or have the means to overcome.

Society needs to be less crappy and not rely on the government to wage war on drugs. We need to be less punitive and judgemental. While some willingly go into the drug trade, many who resort to it tend to do so out of desperation. Why punish or stigmatise the latter?

Killing or jailing mules and users might disrupt the trade, but there are far more suckers out there, and the suppliers can just go elsewhere. As long as the raw materials and the need for drugs is there, the suppliers will bounce back.

The big-stick approach to the war against drugs has been tried to death and hasn't really proved itself. Why not kill the trade with kindness? Bet that's never been tried in these parts before.

Saving addicts from their habit and keeping ex-addicts from relapsing will go much farther than merely punishing them. Their stories will serve as a deterrent - drugs are no solution to one's problems = and a message of hope for those struggling to overcome their addiction.

Dry

When the recent water supply disruption ended sooner than scheduled I was grateful. Then, last Saturday afternoon, I returned to dry taps.

Again.

Though supply was normal, it seems water isn't reaching the upper floors of my apartment block. The weekend was ruined.

Any time they announce a water supply disruption, I remember the drought in ... 1998, I think it was. Water was rationed, and neighbourhoods were grouped into zones with each zone taking turns to go dry for a few days.

I remember the nights I spent filling all the buckets I could when the taps ran, my blood running cold at the thought of another few days of a parched throat, an unwashed body, and no plumbing.

Twenty years later, it seems nothing was learnt or done about it. The Klang Valley is becoming more uninhabitable. Neighbourhoods suffer shorter water cuts every time a pipe bursts, whether from age or the actions of a clumsy contractor or pipe thief. Every burst or leaking pipe gives me the shivers.

Don't come at me with "at least we're not some other country where you don't see a drop for months". We are NOT that country. We ARE NOT supposed to be that country. It rains here, and frequently. Where is all that water going?

We could have nipped all this in the bud but we didn't. Why? And once this round of water cuts ends, will anything change?

It better, and fast. Twenty years from now I won't be in any condition to fill buckets in the middle of the night. Heck, the next major water rationing exercise in the Klang Valley might happen sooner.

Is The World Being Over-engineered?

Simon Winchester's concise history of precision engineering and its impact also asks some incisive questions

first published in The Star, 18 December 2018


"My father was for all his working life a precision engineer," British author and journalist Simon Winchester writes in The Perfectionists: How Precision Engineers Created the Modern World.

In his childhood, his father would show him around his workplace. He also describes his first encounter with gauge blocks: non-magnetic metal tiles "used for measuring things to the most extreme of tolerances" with ultraflat sides that would bond when placed on top of each other.

These memories were triggered by an email from one Colin Povey from Florida in the United States, who managed to persuade Winchester to write a book about the history of precision and had a personal reason for it. So now we know who, apart from the author, to thank for The Perfectionists.

Besides a brief history of precision engineering through selected milestones in the field, it also has ruminations on the nature and importance of precision and what we stand to gain and lose in the quest for more precise measurements.

The author also argues that the word "precision" is a much better word than "accuracy". "‘Accurate Laser Tattoo Removal' sounds not nearly as convincing or effective ... And it surely would be both damning and condescending to say that you tie your tie accurately—to knot it precisely is much more suggestive of élan and style."

As expected, perhaps, of someone who wrote two books about the Oxford English Dictionary (The Professor and the Madman: A Tale of Murder, Insanity and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary, published in 1998 and reissued in 2005; and The Meaning of Everything: The Story of the Oxford English Dictionary, 2003).

Each chapter in The Perfectionists is a part of a timeline in the history of precision engineering, from the discovery of the Antikythera mechanism (an ancient Greek analogue computer) to advances that would usher in the digital age. Some chapters feature vignettes from the author's life and his research for the book, which suggests the project is more than just a scholarly pursuit.

Humankind has for most of its civilised existence been in the habit of measuring things. ...All life depends to some extent on measurement, and in the very earliest days of social organization a clear indication of advancement and sophistication was the degree to which systems of measurement had been established, codified, agreed to, and employed.

The narrative begins with how British inventor Joseph Wilkinson fixed problems with leaking steam in the early builds of Scotsman James Watts's steam engines. Wilkinson pioneered a method to make cannons out of solid cylinders of iron, and he applied this method to the engines.

We are also told of the lives and accomplishments of Winchester's gallery of "perfectionists", including English clockmaker John Harrison, whose marine chronometers revolutionised navigation and made long-distance sailing much safer; Swiss inventor Carl Edvard Johansson, creator of the gauge blocks that once fascinated the author; Kintaro Hattori, founder of Seiko, which released the world's first quartz watch; and Frenchman Honoré Blanc, who mooted the concept of interchangeable parts for guns. Curious how some of these early engineers cut their teeth in the firearms industry.

All in all, this book is a solid piece of literary engineering comprising intricately fitted components, tempered with academic rigour. The hefty and deeply intellectual material, however, demands the reader's full attention, which is challenged by the staid, schoolmasterly prose and verbosity.

Even the trivia and the occasional display of that trademark British wit, mostly in the footnotes, don't help much. A titbit: Apparently a genetic descendant of Sir Isaac Newton's apple tree is growing somewhere near a lab in Beijing.

Things get more interesting around the third chapter, as the author warms up even more to his subject – that is, if one hasn't quit the book by then. Which would be tragic, given how much effort went into it.

Precision is a much better word, a more apposite choice than its closest rival, accuracy. “Accurate Laser Tattoo Removal” sounds not nearly as convincing or effective ... And it surely would be both damning and condescending to say that you tie your tie accurately—to knot it precisely is much more suggestive of élan and style.

To a degree, Winchester has achieved his (or maybe Colin Povey's) aims with this book. Some questions arise: how far should the quest for precision go? Is there a breaking point? Might the frenetic pace of contemporary life, shaped in part by precision engineering, have moulded us into perfectionists as well? Is a "perfect" world a good idea?

With regards to the last, probably not.

As measurements become more precise, the margin of tolerable error shrinks, raising the risk of human involvement in engineering. According to Winchester, an error measuring 1/50th the thickness of a human hair caused the Hubble space telescope to capture fuzzy, unusable images (a NASA optical engineer found a way to repair it after a eureka moment in the shower). We also hear of aeroplane crashes caused by human error.

Perhaps that's why people don't think about precision, except when baking. Nor should the non-engineering majority be obsessed with "the need for endlessly improving exactitude".

So Winchester looks to Japan for a "third way". Among the aspects of Japanese culture he explores is wabi-sabi, which he describes as "an aesthetic sensibility wherein asymmetry and roughness and impermanence are accorded every bit as much weight as are the exact, the immaculate, and the precise". One gathers that the Japanese worldview regarding transience and imperfection asserts that everything, no matter how precise or flawless, won't stay that way forever.

Humankind would perhaps do well to learn to accept the equal significance, the equal weight, of the natural order. If not, then nature in time will overrun, and the green strands of jungle grass will eventually enfold and enwrap all the inventions that we make ... Before the imprecision of the natural world, all will falter, none shall survive—no matter how precise.

Even these "perfectionists" weren't perfect. For one, who knew that Eli Whitney of the cotton gin fame had scammed the US government by pretending he could produce muskets from interchangeable parts?

Regardless of what one takes away from this book, at least we now have a measure of how high these innovators towered, how fascinating their disciplines can be, and how epoch-making their creations were.

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The Perfectionists

How Precision Engineers Created the Modern World

Simon Winchester
Harper
395 pages
Non-fiction
ISBN: 978-0-06-265255-3