Wednesday, 13 April 2016

Wee-vil, Wee-vill Miss You

Anybody seen Monday's copy of The Star? Did anybody notice the word play in the reports related to the cover story?


Well, even print is getting clickbait-y, I thought. That Queen
song started playing almost immediately.


As a top palm-oil producer, these pests are about as welcome as the haze or the current heatwave. Seriousness of the problem aside, I felt the writer dropped the ball after the puns. So I thought, why not go all the way and make it a poem/song thingy?


Good one. Obvious choice, but a good one, nonetheless.


With my brain burning with ideas, I barely touched my lunch until it threatened to go colder, so I went back to the office after a few bites and hammered it out. This is a tightened version of the one I put up on Facebook, which I think sums up the article(s) pretty well...


Look at all your palm trees, coconut trees
Growing tall for your annual GDP
You got mud on your face, you big disgrace
So watch us bugs put you back into your place

WEE-VIL WEE-VIL ROCK YOU
WEE-VIL WEE-VIL ROCK YOU

All those tasty palm trees, coconut trees
Gonna turn 'em all into dead trees some day
And splash mud on your face, you big disgrace
No pest control gonna put us in our place

Yessir WEE-VIL WEE-VIL ROCK YOU
(Damn right, we will) WEE-VIL WEE-VIL ROCK YOU

Bore into your palm trees, turn 'em into gone trees
Makin' lots of babies along the way
With iron jaws (CHOMP) and sharp sharp claws (STOMP)
Overrunning plantations without a pause

Singing WEE-VIL WEE-VIL ROCK YOU
(Aww, yiss!) WEE-VIL WEE-VIL ROCK YOU

All you scientists, doctors, engineers,
Swear you'll halt our advance, you say (Uh-huh?)
Ain't that egg on your face, you big disgrace?
Poor sorry excuses for the human race (Ha ha!)

WEE-VIL WEE-VIL ROCK YOU
WEE-VIL WEE-VIL ROCK YOU

One more time-

Look at all your palm trees, coconut trees
Growing tall for your annual GDP
You got mud on your face, you big disgrace
So watch us bugs put you back into your place

WEE-VIL WEE-VIL ROCK YOU
WEE-VIL WEE-VIL ROCK YOU

All those tasty palm trees, coconut trees
Gonna turn 'em all into dead trees some day
And splash mud on your face, you big disgrace
No pest control can put us back into our place

Yessir WEE-VIL WEE-VIL ROCK YOU
WEE-VIL WEE-VIL ROCK YOU (Altogether now!)

WEE-VIL WEE-VIL ROCK YOU
(Sing it!) WEE-VIL WEE-VIL ROCK YOU...



I heard later that the journalist who penned the punny reports will soon be leaving The Star. So here's to you, ma'am. Keep rocking it, wherever you go.


14/04/2016   By the way, the red palm weevil (Rhynchophorus ferrugineus) is also known as the Asian palm weevil or sago palm weevil, which means its young are, yes, those plump cream-coloured sago worms, which will grow up to be the future killers of the palm oil industry.

That's not so comforting if you think about it. You'd have to cut open the trunk of a palm tree to get to these grubs and an abundance of them means the tree might be gone. So eating them into extinction to save the oil palms (and do a bit of national service) isn't a viable solution, even if (some would say) it's tasty.

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