Tuesday, 15 August 2006

Burning Passions

Silly season comes to Malaysia as the anniversary of our independence lurks just around the corner. The reason I don't join in is because I'm way too stingy and lazy to spend the money and effort to buy and install the flag; I have nothing to prove. Plus, this is nothing more than an attempt to stroke some really big, yet fragile egos who are merely riding on the sacrifices and successes of their predecessors.

Information Minister Datuk Zainuddin Maidin, however, has his own theories.

"Some people are shy to put up the flag at their houses. It is not embarrassing, so why feel shy?"

...those who did not fly the Jalur Gemilang were unpatriotic and had no love for the country. These people, he added, also did not appreciate what the country’s leaders had done and were ignorant of the fact that the comfort and prosperity they enjoyed today were the results of a long struggle.

If I had "no love for the country", I'd be dabbling in more exciting and profitable lines like drug trafficking, prostitution, sand theft, poaching and illegal logging, not to mention CD and DVD piracy. If I were "unpatriotic" I'd be spotting soft targets in the country for the likes of Jemaah Islamiyah or maybe Abu Sayyaf.

But no. Cowardly, honest me had to learn Malay to pass all my exams, take up an honest line of work cranking documents, pay my taxes, contribute to the EPF and endure inefficient bureaucracy for my driver's license, MyKad and passport. For the sake of family, friends and the wonderful cooks who make my daily staples, I decide to stay put and stay out of trouble.

Not only is that not enough, I'm being accused of being an unpatriotic, unappreciative, ignorant Malaysia-hater.

What did the Prime Minister say about lies and slander, O Minister of Information?

While the Jalur Gemilang (the Stripes of Glory - our flag) is being hoisted by those who gave in to your lame attempt at emotional blackmail, home-grown terrors still stalk the streets: loan sharks, snatch thieves, burglars, road bullies, loutish cabbies, carjackers, robbers and corrupt policemen. How about telling them to "love our country" and stop what they're doing?

Speaking of flags: The dagger-waving chief of UMNO Youth has given his underlings explicit permission to burn the flags of Israel - and if they feel like it - those of the US and Britain, in protest of the spat in Lebanon, with promises of a "tsunami wave of protest to force the mighty powers to bow to the demand for peace".

That's right, fear us! We burn flags! Repent and mend your ways or we will burn even more of your flags! And effigies! Tons of them! We'll reproduce your entire Senate/Cabinet/Parliament and set them ablaze! You will feel as if your own flesh is burning because of our extraordinary workmanship!

So what if it's currently the haze season? So what if open burning is against the law? We don't care!

The smoke from the piles of burning flags of the Great Satan, Evil Occupier and Subservient Poodle, while adding to the worsening quality of our air, brings us closer to the pain, the suffering of the victims of your scorched earth strategies! We will sacrifice our lungs, our sinuses, our eyes, our tonsils, every square centimetre of our mucous membranes in the name of peace and justice! So take that, you... youyou... you Minions of Hell!

...Oh yeah. That'll work for sure. Let me know when it happens; I need to book my oxygen tent and face masks in advance. Thank you.

1 comment:

  1. *pats*

    Bodohlanderism striked again.

    Saw your reply to my comment in the "do not pick fights" post.

    Indeed, we're a rare breed and there's nothing much we can do about retards who attacks us.

    But that doesn't mean that we can't fight for our rights. Within reason.

    BP: What can we do when nobody wants to see reason? After a few times it just becomes nit-picking. Until they learn to take criticism like men instead of boys, it pays to tread lightly.

    But man, burning flags at this time of year? It takes the cake and the knife that cuts it.


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